This morning I was
reading a friend’s Facebook status and it reminded me of an event that happened
to me years ago. I began to write about it, years ago to publish on my
Blog Spot, but never got to it because my thoughts were unfinished and I didn't feel as though it was worthy to be posted. Below is the quote and author that
finally got me to publish this.
"Honesty is a rapidly disappearing
attribute. Truth is hedged and masked. Integrity is compromised. "Mom
isn't here" our children say when we want to avoid the caller. We silently
pocket the incorrectly counted change received in the drive-through lane.
Untruths we label as "small white lies" punctuate our character until
authenticity is forfeited. A life of integrity demands honesty. So does
worship." –Mary Southerland
Oh boy, this statement, ALL of it rang true to me this
morning, Monday, March 25, 2013. The part that stood out the most in the above
quote has to do with “quietly pocketing the incorrect change…” I had a similar
event happen to me about five years ago. This was one of those “Ah-Ha” moments
in a person’s life where things from the past and present suddenly ‘click,’ and
make sense. It’s when all ‘insignificant’ information from the past is finally
made ‘clear’ when an event occurs. Before that time, the events are separate and
the information seems to be just that, insignificant.
I was at our local Dollar Store, picking up supplies for a
classroom party of some sort. At the checkout counter the cashier said $5.34. I
challenged the amount and said it could not be right because I purchased more
than five items. The cashier said she only counted five items. I insisted I had
three packs of stars, one pack apples and one pack of something else. The
cashier opened the bag and recounted. When she was finished, she said I was
right and was astonished that I admitted to having six items instead of five. I
was taken back a little and said, but of course I would tell you that. She then
thanked me for being honest and most people would not say anything.
OK, I do not tell you this story because I feel great about
myself or I am trying to let you know how honest, wonderful and self-righteous
I am. Truly, two or three years earlier I would have been all over a dollar
‘saved’ because a cashier made a mistake. A part of me would have ‘celebrated’
the little victory I achieved at cheating a store out of a buck not counted by
the cashier; her mistake, my gain. Why should I help someone else, especially
if their mistake benefits me? Woohoo!
I got into my minivan and sat there for a few minutes and
thought about what the cashier had said to me. “You don’t realize, most people
would not have said anything.” I was surprised and thought to myself, “what
does that say about who I AM?”
“I AM.” Those two words hit me like a bolt of lightning. I
felt the I AM deep within my chest, my core, my being. My ‘soul’ recognized I
AM. The merging of past stories and present were united. I AM. Those two words
stand alone. They are an entire sentence, a noun and a verb. They are the
beginning and the end, they are the creator. I AM is God.
Here is where past meets present and then past and present meet future all at once. I
AM is the answer God gave Moses when Moses asked, what is your name? God
replied, “I AM.” You and I are made in the image of God, the I AM. You and I
reflect I AM. My behavior, your behavior are reflections on I AM. The way I
behave reflects on I AM. I steal and cheat. What does that say about who I AM?
We may back off and think it may say something about our character, but what
about God’s character? If we proclaim we are God’s children, made in the image
of God, we reflect God. Is God cheating, untrustworthy? Well, is He? We
proclaim we are His children.
There are people who do not know God. God is loving,
accepting, slow to anger, full of grace and merciful. We say we are made in His
image so we are those things also. If we say we are loving, kind, merciful,
full of grace, but also, judge, cheat, lie, etc, can we see how others don’t
believe in God or mistrust God because of how WE have behaved?
Look I get it. Some of my friends will be freaking out by
what I have just said. I understand
we are both saint and sinners simultaneously, but others do not know this. They
only see God reflected in us. Reflections can be distorted and thing appear
that really are not there. I understand that, but there are others that do not
know that because they only know God through how WE have behaved.
As I sat reflecting in my car for some time, I felt
remorseful, really truly remorseful because I realized my own behaviors and words have NOT always been what I know God to be. I remembered a day when
not so long ago, I would have easily saved myself a dollar; basically selling
God out for a buck as I claimed to be one of His children, openly wearing the
Cross upon my neck as a symbol. I also realized at that point how hard it would
and will be for me to live as God wants me to live because I live in this world.
It is sooooo easy to ‘forget’ who we are and whose we are. It is a daily struggle to discern God’s
will and to submit joyously to what God’s plan is for me, because frankly, most
days I have my own agenda. As a Christian, I know Jesus came into this world and
died for my sins. Because of that, each day I am renewed to live as God wants
me to live,and to live as God created me to live, but and yes for me there is a
but, Jesus coming into this world, and forgiving my sins doesn't make it any
easier. In fact it makes it harder, BUT I wouldn't change it. I will struggle
daily with how I am to live. I will struggle with how I reflect God’s image,
because in doing so I am free. I know God loves me and He forgives me, so each
day I am free to make mistakes in the journey, my journey, ‘The Walk,’ to be who God made me to be. "
